Tuesday, April 7, 2009


I was lookin in my drafts and noticed that I had never posted this. I wrote this back in February.

"Don't believe in everything you hear but if there is one thing you need to believe in it's your family." - Logan Butler

I heard a comical saying one time that said something like: "You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family". The family is an interesting institution. No matter how many children you may have, each one is a different, unique and separate being. They may have the same beliefs, and maybe even the same goals and aspirations, but their personalities are as different as night and day. But this is a good thing. How dull would it be if our children were all just clones of ourselves.
It is interesting to me that some people can have lots of friends, yet are strangers to their family. Some children grow up, leave home, and hardly ever have contact with their brothers and sisters again. Other families are so close the children are a part of each other's daily lives. What makes the difference? I think the difference is one simple word: EFFORT.

It's interesting to get to know your brothers and sisters as adults. They are quite different creatures than they were when they were just your bratty brother or sister. Sometimes people think that that person who teased and bullied them growing up is not able to change, and so labels them as a bully, teaser, loser, brat, etc. and never bothers to find out that yes indeed, most everyone can change.

In some cases, getting to know your brother or sister can even be harder than making friends with a total stranger. Why is this? Is it because we are afraid to open ourselves up to those we are actually closer to? Maybe we are afraid because we see a teensy little bit of ourselves in our siblings? Do we think "Mom liked him/her/me best?"

I am so grateful that my brothers and sisters and I have "made the effort" to get to know each other better. We try to spend two weeks of every summer together, we have a "sibling chat" every Sunday night for an hour, and of course we email each other. I have learned to appreciate my siblings for the good people that they are and I admire their good qualities and characteristics. We can get together and talk with each other non-stop for hours.


Delirious said...

I agree, but I do think the way you are raised has a lot to do with the kind of relationships you later have as adults. In our case, our family is large and spread out three years in between most of the kids. Because of that, the two oldest children were married before I was even 12 years old. We didn't live together that much, so we really have had to get to know each other as adults.

I'm thankful that I have good relationships with all of my siblings. My husband is always in amazement at how much time we can spend talking with each other.

I love you all! :)

Native Minnow said...

I think I fall in the category of 'family member who doesn't put forth enough effort' because I rarely call anyone without a specific reason. I've had several siblings tell me that they've gotten to know me better through blogging than they had in the years we spent under the same roof. That might be a sad statement about me, I'm not sure. At least we're in fairly regular contact this way though.

Amber said...

it does take effort to get to know one another but I think the payoff is ten times what you would get out of a regular friendship. I heard on tv one time that the relationship that people have with their siblings is more important than the one they have with their parents, because they will spend more of their lifetime with their siblings. I'm really glad that me and my siblings are being forced more to rely on each other while you are gone, I have really seen a difference in our relationships and feel alot closer to them. :) How sad must it be to be without family in this world, I don't know how some people do it.