Wednesday, October 20, 2010


O Home Beloved

O home beloved where'er I wander.
On foreign land or distant sea,
As time rolls by, my heart grows fonder
And yearns more lovingly for thee!
Tho fair be nature's scenes around me,
And friends are ever kind and true.
Tho joyous mirth and song surround me,
My heart, my soul still yearn for you.

      I've been visiting my parents lately.  My husband and I went to pick them up, spent a couple days at their house and then brought them back to ours for about 6 days.  Then we took them back home and spent 4 more days with them at their house. 
      After we had been at their house for a few minutes, my mom said, "Oh, it's so good to be home!  There's no place like home!"  I know my mom loves her house and her town, because it's where she grew up.  She lives in my grandparents house that she and my father bought from them.  We have since bought that house from my parents and will own it completely when they are gone. 
      My mom is 85 and my dad will be 85 in April.  They both use canes to walk, and in truth, Dad should be using a walker.  Dad falls all the time and in his last bad fall, separated his shoulder.  Mom has had cancer twice (breast cancer and colon cancer) in a year and then a serious hernia operation right after that, which was pretty hard on her.  She says she has "chemo brain" - memory lapses from taking chemo medication, but her memory has not gotten any better since she went off of the chemo pills.  All in all, I have been trying to get them to come live with me, at least during the winter.  They live in a town that is about 7500 feet in altitude and gets some pretty heavy snows.  There are several people in town that come and make sure their driveway and porch and sidewalks are always clear of snow, but if those people are one day late, my dad is out there with his snow-blower trying to do it himself. 
      I tried having yet another talk with my parents to try to get them to come live with me - or even live with any of my other brothers or sisters, but my mother emphatically refused.  I think if she would agree, my dad would also, but she is the one saying no.  I have prayed about this and asked all my brothers and sisters to pray about it also, so my parents would come to the decision to live with me.  It's really hard to see my parents so old and frail and forgetful.  I know they love their home, their town, the people in it, and their life, but I also know that at some point, either they will have to agree or we will have to resort to stronger persuasions.
      I couldn't help remembering my mother's cry of "Oh it's so good to be home!" when we reached home ourselves.  There really is no place like home. 


Delirious said...

The one thought I keep having is that we should reinforce the idea that right now they have a choice in what they do. But if one of them falls again and is hurt seriously, they will lose the choice about where they live. They will be forced to live in a care center.

The other thought I had is that anywhere you live is home. It's all in your attitude. I had a friend in China who got upset if ex-pats she knew there didn't hang up any pictures in their apartments. Their reasoning was that they wouldn't be there very long. But it is still their home, if even temporarily. If they would allow themselves to settle in at your house, it would become home too.

I wish I could help with them, because long ago Mom told me that she could live with me. But my current house isn't set up for the elderly, and my own health isn't good right now. I have wondered if they would be more willing to live with Sticks and his family, but they live in the snow too! I don't know the answer, but I'm afraid if they refuse much longer, the decision will be made for them.

Amber said...

I really hope that they will finally just agree and you won't have to take those stronger actions - I worry about them so much!

Inklings said...

Mom is still on tamoxifen, which is a maintenance drug, and it is a form of chemo. She has to be on it 5 years, so she will have chemo brain for awhile. But I am also praying that Mom and Dad will know the right things to do for themselves, and that we children will, also.

Stick said...

Our house would be perfect for them, but again, I don't think they will move.