My husband and I went to Moab this week. I had 2 experiences where total strangers said some not very nice things about me when they thought I couldn't hear them. I have to be honest and admit that it did bother me, but I tried to let it go so as not to spoil my trip.
The day after we got back, my husband and I had an appointment across town. We were right on time, but had to wait, as the person we were meeting with was running over with his previous client. While we were waiting, the man across from me (who was waiting for his wife) started talking to me. At first I thought it was just chit chat, but then it turned to down-right insults to me. The same insults that the people from Moab were saying. Finally I decided that I either was going to have to deck him, get up and leave, or tell this guy off. Now this guy was in his 80's and I had to think he might be a bit senile, and I also try to think of myself as a good Christian and Mormon, so I try to not argue, tell off, or insult people. So I finally decided that I needed to just get up and leave, which I did. As I was leaving, this guy said, "I didn't mean to run you off!" I said, "You just did" and walked across to the other side of the room where there was a partition where I stood behind. A few seconds later my husband, who really hadn't been paying attention came over (He thought I had gotten up because it was time for our appointment). He said as he got up to leave, the guy said to him, "You're with her?" I guess he thought I was alone. Whatever.
I was very angry with myself that this guy had upset me so bad. In fact, he had upset me so bad that I told my husband that I wouldn't be able to stay for our appointment, but was going to go shopping at a store nearby instead. Just then, the guy we had the appointment with came out with his client. While he was saying goodbye to him, I decided to just go ahead and stay. I decided I could control my emotions better if I stayed for the appointment, rather than leave and give in to them.
I have to admit that this bothered me quite alot. I think it would have bothered me regardless, but because of the incidents in Moab, it was just salt in the wound. As I thought of this all day long...yes...All. Day. Long,
I started to think about an incident in one of the Harry Potter books. I remember when I read it, that I thought that J.K. Rowling had really got this "right on". It's the part in THE DEATHLY HALLOWS where Harry has followed the Doe Patronus out to the pond and he sees the Sword of Griffindor down in the pond. He jumps in to get it but can't get out because he is wearing the necklace Horcrux around his neck and Ron (who has followed him) jumps in to save him. After they get out they decided that they need to destroy the necklace Horcrux right then, and Harry tells Ron to do it. Ron says he can't do it and is afraid, because he says the Horcrux affects him worse than it affected Harry and Hermoine. When Harry opens the necklace, Voldemort starts to taunt Ron (and I've condensed this next part):
"Stab," said Harry, holding the locket steady on the rock.
Ron raised the sword in his shaking hands: The point dangled over the frantically swiveling eyes, and Harry gripped the locket tightly, bracing himself, already imagining blood pouring from the empty windows.
Then a voice hissed from out of the Horcrux.
"I have seen your heart, and it is mine."
"Don't listen to it!" Harry said harshly. "Stab it!"
"I have seen your dreams, Ronald Weasley, and I have seeen your fears. All you desire is possible, but all that you dread is also possible...."
"Stab!" shouted Harry; his voice echoed off the surrounding trees, the sword point trembled, and Ron gazed down into Riddle's eyes.
"Least loved, always, by the mother who craved a daughter...Least loved, now, by the girl who prefers your friend....Second best, always, eternally overshadowed..."
..."Ron!" he shouted, but the Riddle-Harry was now speaking with Voldemort's voice and Ron was gazing, mesmerized, into its face.
"Why return? We were better without you, happier without you, glad of your absence....We laughed at your stupidity, your cowardice, your presumption -"......
...."Who could look at you, who would ever look at you, beside Harry Potter? What have you ever done, compared with the Chosen One? What are you, compared with the Boy Who Lived?"...
..."Your mother confessed," sneered Riddle-Harry, while Riddle-Hermione jeered, "that she would have preferred me as a son, would be glad to exhange..."
"Who wouldn't prefer him, what woman would take you, you are nothing, nothing, nothing to him," crooned Riddle-Hermione......
Finally Ron stabs the Horcrux and destroys it. This part really reminds me of how Satan can play on your depression, bad mood, or low self-esteem. He can't read your thoughts, but he knows exactly the thoughts to put in your mind to make you think even worse of yourself. I think it's important to remember this, even though I also know (from experience) that is is very important to ignore these thoughts and feelings. It's hard to do, and I'm still trying.
In the Book of Mormon after his father, Lehi dies, Nephi falls into a bit of depression:
"O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities."
Nephi doesn't give in to these feelings, but goes on to say:
"Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul."
He recognizes that Satan has encouraged him to feel these pains of depression and tells himself to "...give place no more for the enemy of my soul." He recogizes that Satan is the enemy that has put these thoughts into his head.
I struggled with this all week and really didn't even want to go to church on Sunday, but I was playing the organ so I had to. During the last hour, the women's lesson was on "Gratitude". I know gratitude has nothing really to do with depression, but during that lesson, the things that were said caused me to think of a solution of how to get these thoughts out of my head. And the funny thing is, this is the very solution that I have always used but for some reason couldn't seem to get to this point. I think just hearing that lesson on gratitude, made me feel grateful that I didn't have any worse problems at the moment. So now - the solution - that I always tell other people but couldn't seem to get to myself - is to just quit thinking about it. Just stop. Every time I think about it I tell myself to stop and think about something else. I even accused myself of "dwelling on my sorrows" and "wallowing in self-pity". Probably true, at least for the past week. But now I'm done. I need to consider the source and realize it was just a crazy old man and why would I let a crazy old man make me crazy? I can let my Dad do that if I want to. :0) I'm still glad that I got up and walked away. Staying and arguing wouldn't have done any good and wouldn't have changed his opinion one bit.
Do me one favor. Like I said above, I'm not seeking for sympathy, compliments, or anything else like that. If you would like to leave a comment, please remember this. If you've had a similiar experience and want to share your feelings, please do so. Any compliments, praise, or sappy sympathy will be deleted.
9 comments:
Well, I have had a similar experience lately, only not the same as yours. I'm sure you have been following the anti-mormon comments I've been getting on my blog. This guy makes me nuts! He is so contentious, and lashes out with accusations. At times, I'll confess, I was tempted to believe that I should argue back. But the overwhelming feeling I had was that contention and anger come from the devil, and I was not going there. I kept thinking of a different story than Harry Potter. lol I kept thinking of Star Wars. I kept thinking of how the evil emperor tries to get Luke to give in to the dark feelings. But Luke's true strength came from the "force", or "light side". It was all in how he chose. So I pulled out of the conversation. I tried to explain to him a couple of times that I don't want to contend with him, and that contention is of the devil. I'll admit that some times that dark side came in, and I was a little snippy... lol Oops...I better start a different comment in case I have written too much...
Okay...so where was I? Anyway, my friend Looney entered the conversation and came to my defense. He made a comment on his blog about this man's hateful comments. I told him that I actually felt sorry for this man, because I couldn't see how he could have any meaningful interpersonal relationships in his life because of his communication problems. (always arguing.) Looney's reply really made me think. He said, "I know, I feel sorry for him too. I have prayed for him, and I will continue to do so." Wow....I hadn't prayed for this man. And then I thought of the scripture that says we should love our enemies, and pray for those who despitefully use and persecute us. I'm the happy one in this situation, I should be praying for him. And this is where I DID think of Harry Potter. lol I thought of when Harry is posessed by Voldemort and he says, "I feel sorry for you, because you will never know love." I think this situation has helped me learn a little more about how to view those who are unkind, and in some way are our "enemy".
I did read Looney's comment on your blog and it quite impressed me. I was impressed that he would think to pray for that man while all I would have done was try to think up a retort to say to him. I read all that guy's comments and he was really mean - more than he really needed to be. I know we're supposed to pray for our enemies, but sometimes it's really hard. You can't get over your anger long enough to think to do it.
You are both better people than me. I would have just hit him with a crushing insult, allowing me to laugh as I walked in for the appointment. I guess I will have to try harder....
I have said for years that the best response to people's comments is, "Consider the source, and ignore it!" I have said this to my wife on several occasions when Dad has gotten started. :o) To me this is the put down Mr Giggles said he would use, without ever voicing it. You are the only person you have to please, and Our Heavenly Father has the only opinion of us that matters. Everyone else can go jump. :o)
I struggle alot with insecurity constantly thinking that everything about me is "not good enough". I am constantly catching myself thinking if I was just this way, then so and so would love me more for various people in my life. But one thing keeps coming back to my mind lately. In my patriarchal blessing the patriarch said "your beauty comes from inside of you, from your good heart..." that's a bad paraphrase since I can't remember the exact words but the message is the same. Always remember who you are on the inside because when it comes down to it, that is all that matters. It also reminds me of the Picture of Dorian Gray. He kept his beautiful face all his life but when he finally looked at his real face in the painting it reflected the evil life he had lead. True inner beauty always shines through. I love you mom just the way you are. :)
I think you came to the answer yourself in the blog, that Satan is using other people to get at you and cause you unhappiness. I think he continued by trying to get you not to go to the appointment, not to go to church, but you did what you should have, anyway. The very fact that Satan is trying to attack you means you are on the right track and he wants to stop you. I have had some depressing things happen to me at times, too, so I know it's hard.
Once I was in charge of the "road show" at church , and one of the young women was truly horrible to me, constantly, to the point it was disrupting the production. I decided to do something nice for her without her knowing. She never knew it was me, but my feelings towards her softened, and without me saying a word, she became more cooperative. Maybe something showed in my voice or face when she was giving me trouble?
I think we all have things happen to us that are similar to what you had (although I don't know exactly what you had) and I think the ones who should be most worried are people who Satan doesn't try to discourage, because maybe he already figures he has them. :0)
Dee Ice asked me what some of my experiences were (he was reading overmy shoulder as I commented) and I told him some things that certain people had said about me several years ago, unflattering comments about my looks. Dee Ice said, "Well, they got theirs!" I laughed and said, "Yeah, Karma took care of it." Thank goodness for good old Karma. :0)
my word verification is uphymal....sing an uplifting hymn when you think about those hurtful remarks???
When I recently lost my job in Underwriting, I was so angry. Someone had said some things that were untrue about me and that led to my losing the job. I was so angry with that person that the entire weekend (I was let go on a Friday) I thought of little else. I literally felt like my anger was consuming me (like the old saying goes) and I couldn't sleep at night. It got to the point where I just had to think in my head, "Lord, please help me let go of my anger" and I would just say it to myself over and over again. It became my mantra of sorts and finally, once I had my meeting with HR to discuss what happened, when I left the room, I just felt this weight come off me and I knew that I was finally over it. I feel stupid now for getting so angry about that but no one had ever stabbed me in the back like that before. I think it will be a good thing in the long run, like that person actually did me a favor. Before I was let go, I was considering a career in that field but now I see how stupid that would have been. It just wasn't the right career for me. Just goes to show that you always gotta look on the brighter side of things.
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