Monday, December 17, 2007

Fear Factor

Well, I'm about done with all the Christmas concerts. I have one more to go next Sunday. Last Sunday I went to one where several choirs and groups were performing. I was singing with one choir and playing for another choir. I was looking over the program when I got there and saw my name on ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER! YIKES! I didn't even know we were doing it there! It was a number we had done at another concert, and I guess she forgot to tell me we were doing it there also. Anyway, thank goodness I had my music with me. That number was "The Coventry Carol" with piano, violin and harp. The number I had to accompany the choir for was "O Holy Night". It was a different piano accompanyment than just the standard "O Holy Night" you always hear. I rate it up with the more difficult numbers I have ever done. In fact, one part I just basically had to memorize, because it was so difficult, I couldn't look at the music and at my hands at the same time. I normally don't look at my hands much, but in this part they are jumping all over the piano so you have to. Anyway, I practiced and practiced and practiced. I played it perfectly at home. I played it perfectly at practiced. And I screwed it up at the performance. I didn't totally screw it, but I did lose my place twice at those two hard spots. I just totally lost where I was for a measure or two. Twice. The choir director said he didn't notice, but that was just because there was a lady playing the organ and a lady playing the violin along with me. Thank goodness for the cover. If I had been playing it alone, it would have been obvious. The thing that gets me though is the "fear factor". I can play it at home and at practice, but when you add the "fear factor" into it, that's why I screw it. I tell myself all the way up there, "You can do this, you can do this." But when I sit down to play it, my evil twin says, "No you can't, you're going to screw it up." And I do. I wish I could learn how to focus and block all that out. Well, I have one more chance. I'm going to play the same song next Sunday. Like I tell my husband whenever I get up to go up to the piano to perform: "Pray for me."

4 comments:

Delirious said...

I feel your pain. A friend of mine always says that I "sabatoge" myself. (or however you spell that). I do know that it is MUCH easier for me if I am playing for someone else, or with someone else so that they cover me. If I have to play a solo, I am almost incapacitated with fear. lol

Nene said...

That's why I quit playing piano solos.

Nene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
keira said...

Since I've been accompanying since I was 12 I've learned not to care and don't get nervous anymore. That's the only thing I can tell you...Try not to care because most people don't even notice if you screw up and even if they do they don't really care anyway, so why should you? Just enjoy playing.